The Torture of Cyclops
by Lilith Knight
Summary: This is a very bad day for Cyclops. If you like him LEAVE NOW! looks around and sees a couple people get up and walk out All the Cyk fans gone? Yes? If there are any left don't go flaming me because I gave you a fair warning. The rest of you, enjoy.


Title: The Torture of Cyclops   
  
Author: Lilith Knight  
  
Disclaimer: All the X-Men are property of Marvel. I belong to myself...  
  
Summary: This is a very bad day for Cyclops. If you like him LEAVE NOW! *looks around and sees a couple people get up and walk out* All the Cyke fans gone? Yes? If there are any left don't go flaming me because I gave you a fair warning. The rest of you, enjoy.  
  
Rating: PG-13 for swearing and some really disturbing ideas...  
  
Spoilers: The usual X-Men stuff... Incidently I'm using comic-Cyke, 'cause the one on X-Men: Evolution isn't QUITE as annoying as the other versions in my opinion (though he's damn close) and I haven't had time to think of unique ways of torturing movie-Cyke... yet. Oh, and I sorta just lumped the chars I wanted to use together so don't worry about time lines.  
  
Feedback: Yes, please. *smiles sweetly*  
  
Comments: I don't like Cyke, to put it mildly. His goodytwoshoesness and holier-than-thou, know-it-all attitude really irk me as does the stick he has shoved so far up his ass you'd need a qualified surgeon to remove it. I was bored and had writers' block, hence the shameless self-insertion and Cyke torture. I didn't kill him off but mocked him terribly and made all sorts of awful things happen to him. *grins evilly* And it was FUN!!! Fun, I tell you!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!  
  
Dedication: To all the fellow Cyke-haters out there, of which there are apparently LOTS...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Cyclops yawned and rolled over, fumbling for his ruby visor. He put it on and opened his eyes, yelping when he discovered a dark-haired teenage girl, dressed all in black, sitting cross-legged on the end of his bed, watching him. This understandably disturbed him.   
  
"Who are you? How did you get in here?" Cyke tried for his Fearless Leader Tone™ (come on, you know the one), but not being at his swiftest this early in the morning (not that he was ever really THAT swift) didn't manage to pull it off.  
  
The girl didn't say anything just continued looking at him, much like a cat looks at a mouse. He raised his hand to his visor ready to let loose a blast of energy red when she spoke.  
  
"Now, that's not very nice. You were gonna shoot me? I was just sitting here. I haven't even done anything to you yet."  
  
"Yeah, sitting just here, ON MY BED, IN MY ROOM! Now who the heck ARE you?!?!" he exploded, clearly missing the implied threat. The girl cocked her head to the side, amused at his reaction.  
  
"I'm Lilith," she said cryptically. "Also known as Queen of Hell and soon to be your worst nightmare."   
  
He glared at her and she smiled. "Look I don't know who you are but you can just get out of my room right now."  
  
She rose from the bed. "Gladly. The last thing I need is to see you getting dressed," she informed him, shuddering. He tried to think of with a good comeback but had she turned and walked out, shutting the door behind her, before he could think of one. He pulled on his clothes, still mad and very confused. This was taxing his little brain a bit much.  
  
He opened the door and there she was, lounging against the wall like, in Cyke's mind at least, some kind of hoodlum. "Now what is this all about?" he demanded. She raised an eyebrow. "Well?"  
  
"Maybe if you asked nicely..." She could see him grinding his teeth and smirked at him. There was a blood vessel throbbing angrily in his forehead. She wondered idly whether it would pop.  
  
"Alright, would you please be so kind as to explain why you are here?"  
  
"No."  
  
"ARGH!"  
  
He stalked off down the hall muttering something about letting Professor X figure this one out. Lilith shook her head, laughing. Lord knew he couldn't do it on his own. She followed, not wanting to miss the imminent torture.  
  
He ran into Gambit and Rogue on the stairs.  
  
"What bug crawled up yoah bu-" Rogue started to ask Cyke before her gaze settled on the black-clad girl trailing along behind him. "Lily?"  
  
"You KNOW her?!?!"  
  
Rogue ignored him. "How ya doin', girl?"  
  
"I'm okay," she answered shrugging.  
  
Rogue, Cyke just had now noticed, was gloveless. He wasn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer.  
  
"You... you aren't... Your gloves..." he stuttered.   
  
Rogue gave him an odd look. "What about them?  
  
"You're not wearing them!!!"  
  
"Course not. Ah've had control o' mah powas foh a month or so now. Ah moved inta his room several weeks ago," she said jerking her head toward Gambit.  
  
"Yeah, Cyke. Don't you keep track of your team?" Lilith mocked. Cyke, being a the moron he was, continued to stutter as he tried in vain to understand.  
  
"Allo, petite," Gambit greeted the girl with a smile. "What y' doin' hangin' out wit' dis stick in de mud?" She grinned evilly and he correctly guessed her intent. "Ah, say no more. Give 'im a few for me, eh?"  
  
"Sure. You two go and have fun," she told him, putting extra emphasis on the last word. Rogue blushed slightly but Gambit just grinned devilishly.  
  
"Oh, we will be. Y' can be sure o' dat."  
  
Rogue sighed dramatically and shook her head. "Remind me why Ah put up with ya, again, Swamp Rat?  
  
"'Cause I let y' 'ave yer wicked way wit' me."  
  
"Ya're incorrigible."  
  
The couple walked off holding hands and playfully bickering. Cyke's eyes were bugging out and he was hyperventilating. Finally he turned to Lilith and pointed an accusing finger at her.  
  
"You-you had something to do with this. I know it."  
  
She stared up at him with wide grey-green eyes, the picture of innocence. "Me?"  
  
"YES, YOU!"  
  
"Weren't you going to see the Professor?" Cyke turned and without a word stomped down the stairs leaving the snickering teen to follow. He was distracted by a crash in the kitchen.  
  
Wolverine walked though the door with the newspaper under his arm and beer in his hand. He looked up and nodded at Cyke, then noticed Lilith, and his claws shot out. She yipped and jumped back.  
  
"Watch it with those! God, you're paranoid. I'm one of the nice ones too."  
  
"Nice what?" he growled suspiciously.  
  
"YOU know... one of THEM," his eyes narrowed and she backed up further.  
  
"Chill! I'm here for One-Eye." His mouth twitched slightly at the name. Cyke scowled.  
  
"Not a fan, huh?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"By all means, go ahead then. Try that shit with me though and you'll find yourself a couple of vital organs short."  
  
"Warning duly noted." Wolverine grunted in acknowledgment and went on his way.   
  
"What do you mean one of THEM?"  
  
"You'll find out soon enough," she said, smiling mysteriously, deliberately pissing him off. Cyke gave her his Disapproving Look™. She was unimpressed. "The crash? In the kitchen?" She reminded him helpfully. He turned and took a deep breath before pushing open the door.  
  
There was glass on the floor from the shattered window and a baseball-sized hunk of ice. You could practically see Cyke's relief it wasn't worse. Lilith shook her head. Naive little man.  
  
The numerous occupants of the kitchen looked at her suspiciously (and who could blame them?). She mouthed "one of THEM" out of Cyke's line of vision, pointed to herself, then pointed to him and drew her finger across her throat in one of the universal signs for murder. There were several poorly concealed smiles as they turned away.  
  
Just then Jubilee bounced in the other entrance, her eyes lighting up as she noticed Cyke. She squealed and began babbling incoherently as she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist.   
  
The panicked look on his face sent Lilith into hysterics as she watched him try to pry Jubilee off. He wasn't very successful as she seemed to have mysteriously developed super-human strength. She began peppering kisses all over his face and his expression turned horrified.  
  
Bobby came in a moment later, shaking his head in disgust as he watched Jubilee's *ahem* antics. "I tried to keep her away from the Starbucks shop, I really did. You would not believe the amount of coffee that girl can down."  
  
Cyke began blubbering and pleading, sounding something like this: "GETHEROFFMEGETHEROFFMEGETHEROFFMEGETHEROFFMEGETHEROFFMEGETHEROFFME!!!!!!"  
  
Psylocke turned the tv on and the volume up ignoring Cyke's anguished cries. The voice of the reporter boomed out from the television.  
  
"We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for an important news flash. Jean Grey, an avid mutant supporter, has been crushed by a big rock. Yes, you heard me correctly folks, a big rock."  
  
The kitchen froze. Finally, Storm spoke, "Let's have a moment of silence for poor Jean." There was a moment of silence then everyone went back to what they were doing.  
  
"Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!" Cyke wailed, and having managed to pry Jubilee off, bolted.   
  
"Wait! Come back!!! I looooooooooooooove you!!!!!!" the jilted, caffeine-hyped teen yelled as she took off in hot pursuit. Lilith followed at a slower pace.  
  
Toad was out on the lawn. He hopped in front the fleeing mutant who came to a screeching halt. "I want you, Cyclops. I need you! Make love to me!"  
  
Cyke let out a little girly scream and ran. He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. He was confronted by an army of Furbies, all spouting cutesy sayings. He turned back to the two love-struck people behind him.  
  
"Step away from my man!"  
  
"Back off, bitch! He's mine!" A Jerry Springer type fight (except with powers) broke out as Cyke looked on, frozen in disbelief.  
  
"OW! Wait, wait, wait! How 'bout we share?" Jubilee suggested. There was a brief pause.  
  
"Fine by me."  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!" Cyke's terrified scream could be heard for miles as he was tackled by Toad and Jubilee then covered with Furbies.  
  
Lilith looked on the chaos in satisfaction. The sound of a *BAMF* came from behind her, followed by the smell of sulfur.  
  
"You are a sick, sick girl." Nightcrawler told her as he took in at the havoc she'd caused.  
  
"I know," she responded proudly. "Oh, before I forget: here." She handed him a slip of paper with a phone number scrawled across it.  
  
"Vhat is zis?"  
  
"The phone number for the nearest insane asylum. He'll need it when they're done with him." Lilith grinned and vanished in flash of white light.   
  
Nightcrawler sighed and shook his head. "Vhat about zose... zings?" he asked looking heavenward. Laughter from above greeted him.  
  
"Have Gambit blow them up. He's good at that."  
  
AT HER COMPUTER...  
  
Lilith finished typing, clicked save and leaned back in the chair, smiling. Nothing like a little Cyke torture to put her in a good mood. 


End file.
